I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
