Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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