Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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