I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
