What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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