Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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