I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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