Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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