I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
