Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
