no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
