You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
