I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
