Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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