I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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