i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
