carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
