Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
