I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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