I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I love you. Go after that dick
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
