and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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