I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
false alarm, still single
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
