when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I could make wine with my vomit
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Damn victory sex feels great
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