I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
