I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
