so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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