The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You've changed since you got that strap on
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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