I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
