I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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