How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
