Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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