Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
