Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
