your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
