how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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