he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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