Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
