I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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