I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
PANTIES FOUND
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
