I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
