Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
