Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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