well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
