My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize