yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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