Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
