dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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