So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
