people are starting to question the shark bite story
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
