We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize