shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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