you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
