Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize