They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
A+ Viking dick
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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