My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
