There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
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