Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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