It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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