Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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