is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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