yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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