How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
