I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize