Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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