life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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