I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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