Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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