i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We are all done wearing pants today
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
