can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
