He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Randomize
