They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
