Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We are two peas in an std pod
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
