i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
