I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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