I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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