I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
