Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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