She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
