How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
