i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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