He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
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