you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My hand turned me down
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
