I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I checked into jail on foursquare
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
