Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
