Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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