I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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