The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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