There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's never too late to be topless.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
