I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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