You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
