Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
