also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so let's talk penis.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize