lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
