3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
