I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
