I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
