My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize