She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
