i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
