Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
