Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
