Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
