I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize