i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
