I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
