I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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