a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
