help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
