At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
