i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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