The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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