the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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