After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
True strength comes from lack of pants
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize