Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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